Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
