The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You pole danced in your parka.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
