How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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