I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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