so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
