My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
