yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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