hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
