So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
