Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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