GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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