He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
