I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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