had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
