she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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