I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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