Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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