How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
