Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
