whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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