we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
