I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
