I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize