just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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