Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
