I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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