It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
