apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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