apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
