I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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