Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
