At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
