I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
