so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
