Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
