In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
