First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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