UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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