HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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