Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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