Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
