I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
only you would photoshop your dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
