So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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