it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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