Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
