I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
