this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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