At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
