I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I want a musical about memes.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
