Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
