he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
