My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
