I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
