If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
