Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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