no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
