JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
