I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
