Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
