I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
