a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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