You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
