Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
