she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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