i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
