She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
