girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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