i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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