would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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