His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize