Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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