I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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